Sex Is Not Just About the Physical
Each of us is uniquely and miraculously created. As we develop, our entire being is affected. When a person makes a major decision in life, it may affect him intellectually, emotionally, physically, socially and ethically. The choice to engage in premarital sex would fall into this category, as it can go against a person's academic goals and personal or ethical standards. Someone may be physically mature yet be immature socially.

Getting in Touch With Your Dreams and Goals
Middle and high school is a time of exploring the possibilities life has to offer. It is important for teens to think through their goals and dreams and what it will take to achieve them. For the young woman who wants to be a (veterinarian or teacher) doctor or engineer, becoming pregnant in (high school) PUC (Pre-University College or college will seriously set back or end her education and may prevent her from achieving her dream. For the young man who wants to be (a professional athlete) an accountant, riding in a car or on a motor bike with a drunk driver could end those dreams permanently. Some students may be afraid to articulate their dreams for fear of being ridiculed. Encourage those students to write their goals and dreams down where they can see them and keep them alive in their mind and heart.

Students who have a game plan to achieve their dreams - and the support to do so - may be less likely to want to jeopardize those dreams for sexual gratification.

Character and Standards
Contrary to popular belief, relationships don't just "happen." Good relationships are built on a foundation of positive character traits (virtues) such as respect, responsibility, trust, kindness and self-control.

Before students can development good character, they need to understand what it is. Defining character in general will help students as they define their own goals for achieving good character. Developmental psychologist Tom Lickona explains good character as a composite of moral knowing, moral feeling and moral acting.

Moral Knowing
Moral awareness. Moral knowing means, first of all, taking the time to think - to make a moral judgment about what is right and what is wrong. It is being aware that a particular situation involves moral issues.

Knowing moral values. The second element of moral knowing involves knowing those values that we use to distinguish right from wrong - values such as honesty, respect, kindness, compassion, courage and responsibility. Knowing moral values also involves understanding how they apply to various circumstances.

Perspective-taking. A third element of moral knowing is being able to understand someone else's point of view. Can you step into another person's shoes - and figure out how he or she might think or react or feel if you take a certain action?

Moral reasoning. The fourth element of moral knowing is moral reasoning. It helps us answer such questions as: Why should I study for my history exam? Why should I stand up for my little brother? (Why should I volunteer to help the poor?) Why should I call that girl I promised to call?
N O A P O L O G I E S
Components of Good Character
MORAL KNOWING
1. Moral awareness
2. Knowing moral values
3. Perspective-taking
4. Moral reasoning
5. Self-knowledge
6. Decision-making

MORAL FEELING
1. Conscience
2. Self-respect
3. Empathy
4. Loving the good
5. Self-control
6. Humility

MORAL ACTION
1. Competence
2. Will
3. Habit

N O A P O L O G I E S
Why you do something can be just as important as what you do. We all know that people can do the right thing for the wrong reasons. As people develop and mature, they learn to distinguish between morally acceptable reasons for doing something and morally unacceptable reasons for acting. Some of the right reasons for doing things include showing respect for someone's worth as a person and treating others the way you would want to be treated.

Self-knowledge. A fifth aspect of moral knowing is self-knowledge. It includes such things as honestly assessing your attitudes and behavior, understanding your motives, being aware of your strengths and weaknesses and knowing how to compensate for your weaknesses.
Decision-making. Good decision-making depends on the previous five elements.
Once you
· are aware that a situation demands moral judgment,
· know which moral values apply to your situation,
· can take the perspective of others affected by the situation,
· are able to reason morally and
· can assess your motives, strengths and weaknesses, then you are ready to decide what course of action is best in a given situation.

Good decision-making requires figuring out what your options are, determining their probable consequences for everyone affected by your actions, and then evaluating which option is best from both a moral and a practical standpoint. The key question you need to answer here is this: Among those options that are morally acceptable, which are likely to have the best consequences for everyone involved?

Moral Feeling
Just knowing what is right isn't always enough. A person must also care about what is right. Your moral emotions can help you do the right thing.

Conscience. It's important to understand that the feeling we're talking about is not simply your emotions. Rather, it's an appreciation for what is right. That appreciation helps you put aside other feelings and gives you the desire to do what is right.

That's where conscience, one element of moral feeling, enters the picture. Your conscience can help you decide which emotion to act upon. A healthy conscience can help us resist temptation by making us feel guilty when we do something wrong - or sometimes even before we do it.

Self-respect. A second element of moral feeling, or the emotional side of character, is self-respect. How you feel about yourself can help you make the right choices and treat other people with respect.

Empathy. Persons of good character are also capable of empathy, another element of moral feeling. Empathy is the capacity to feel what another person feels.

Moral Action
Good character includes more than knowledge and feeling; it involves action - moral action. Unfortunately, moral acting doesn't always follow moral knowing and moral feeling. Sometimes it's hard to do what is right, even if you know what is right and want to do it. That is why the following are so important.
Moral competence. The first element of moral acting is moral competence. Moral competence consists of the skills and abilities you need to turn moral thinking and feeling into moral behavior.

Willpower. A second element of moral acting is willpower. [It is the element of character that helps people to press through difficult times toward a specific goal.]

N O A P O L O G I E S
Habit. A third element of moral acting is habit. People with good character have made a habit of choosing what is right.

Like the concept of habit, good character in general, can be seen as a decision. Every day, we are faced with decisions that test our character. When we make choices based on a desire to keep our character intact, we build character muscles that will grow in strength and reliability. Because we cannot foresee the daily choices that will test our character, it is vitally important that we keep our character-muscles in tune.

Relationships - Love, Lust or Infatuation?
As we saw in the video No Apologies, many young people confuse love and infatuation. Understanding the difference between these conditions may save teens much pain in relationships. The intimate and powerful nature of sexual intercourse demands commitment. The best context for sexual commitment is marriage. So often-premarital sexual relationships are based on physical lust or infatuation, not mature unconditional love.

Definition of Unconditional Love: Devotion based on commitment and unselfish concern for one another. It freely accepts another in loyalty and seeks his or her good. In sexual relationships, a sexual attachment is formed that adds to the commitment.

Definition of Lust: Intense sexual desire or appetite, an overwhelming desire, as in lust for power. A sexual urge or physical impulse.

Definition of Infatuation: An unrealistic or extravagant love or admiration appealing to the senses and impulses, sometimes called lust. Infatuation may be the initial attraction that will, with time and commitment, grow into a mature and unconditional love.

The word love is used so loosely in the English language that perhaps the best way to define love is by what it is not. Infatuation is not bad, it is just not good enough to carry a relationship over the rough times. The condition of being "in love" or more accurately, "in infatuation" may be the beginning of a relationship. For romantic or sexual love to last, the general qualities inherent in personal character are needed - patience, respect, consideration, protectiveness, trust and trustworthiness, hope and loyalty.

Optional Object Lesson: Talk about the uses for baking soda (making cakes and cookies) then do the following object lesson. Fill a small soda or plastic bottle half full with white vinegar. Put one Tablespoon of baking soda into a large balloon. Attach the balloon over the mouth of the bottle (it will hang down on the outside of the bottle because of the weight of the soda inside). Remind participants that a cake tastes good because of the many ingredients used (flour, eggs, sugar, etc. and baking soda) Let the baking soda represent the physical relationship… In the same way, a relationship is strong and healthy when many ingredients are put together (love, respect, understanding, communication, etc. - the physical relationship is just a small part of the whole) In love and lust the physical is out of proportion and the results are explosive (lift up the balloon and empty the baking soda into the vinegar in the bottle - watch the reaction) Lust and infatuation are like this object lesson - explosive, exciting and short lived.

The Power of Friendship
Most relationships start with an attraction. However, attraction cannot be the only thing that sustains a relationship. Strong relationships need strong friendships based on respect, honesty, self-control and trust. Teens place great value on their friendships, but often overlook friendship when it comes to dating and relationships. When asked how they have stayed married so long, many couples respond, "I married my best friend." Infatuation comes and goes, and so do our youthful looks as we age, but a lasting relationship is built on qualities that outlast physical appearance.